Dialogic Gem

Lots of travel and excitement as of late, and I'm exhausted. So here's some dialogue.

Things you need to know, Aaron is freaking out because he's onto the fact that Jaye talks to inanimate objects. Jaye just won employee of the month at her crappy retail job. Sharon is a lesbian and she is totally not out to, well, pretty much anybody.


INT. THE BARREL

TIGHT ON two bubbling fondue pots shaped like barrels. One
is filled with chocolate, one with melted cheese. Jaye, Mom,
Dad, and Sharon sit around the fondue pot. Everyone has a
fondue fork except for Mom, who eats a salad. Jaye’s balloon
bouquet is tied to the back of her chair.

DAD
Where is Aaron? We celebrate all
Tyler victories as a family.

JAYE
I wouldn’t call this a victory.

Sharon scrutinizes Jaye’s Employee Of The Month certificate.

SHARON
This certificate’s invalid.
There’s no signature. Oh, wait.
There’s a stamp.

DAD
A stamp is good enough for me.

MOM
I guarantee you this’ll make the
Christmas letter.

JAYE
Oh, I wish it wouldn’t.

SHARON
There’s Aaron.

They all look to see a very gloomy Aaron approaching.

MOM
Hi, sweetheart!

DAD
Nice you could make it. Did you
see your sister’s certificate?

Aaron takes the certificate, but doesn’t look at it.

AARON
(low, to Jaye, as he sits)
What are you?

JAYE
Huh?

AARON
Are you like Dr. Dolittle?

MOM
Your blood sugar’s low. Here, dip
something.

AARON
It’s not my blood sugar. There’s
something out there and it’s
laughing at us.

SHARON
(re: Jaye)
Did she do this to you?

DAD
You really think your sister’s
special lunch is the appropriate
place for an existential crisis?

AARON

It’s not an existential crisis.

MOM
It’s nothing to be ashamed of,
sweetheart. You’re studying
religion, for godsake. You’re
bound to have one sooner or later.

AARON
Not an existential crisis. Just
the opposite. I was fine when
existence had no meaning.
Meaninglessness in a universe that
has no meaning -- that I get. But
meaninglessness in a universe with
meaning? What does that mean?

JAYE
It doesn’t mean anything.

AARON
Did the cow creamer tell you that?

DAD
What has gotten into you?

MOM
I am throwing that creamer away the
second we get home.

SHARON
The meaninglessness of meaning?
Are you people high?

MOM
Really, though.

JAYE
You want meaningless? This fondue
is meaningless. It mocks everyone
at this table.

DAD
That’s your celebratory fondue.

JAYE
I didn’t earn celebratory fondue.
I don’t deserve to be called
Employee of the Month. I don’t
deserve this certificate. I don’t
deserve a parking space on P-1.

(reconsidering)

But I am taking the afternoon off.

Jaye starts to head off, stops, goes back, grabs her balloons
and leaves. Aaron broods as he dips fondue. Mom and Dad are
flabbergasted. Dad turns to Sharon:

DAD
Anything you’d like to share?

She looks up, a piece of gooey cheese fondue half in her
mouth. She shakes her head --

SHARON
Uh-uh. No.

For the curious, that is from the Wonderfalls episode entitled "Muffin Buffalo." You should see it, the ensemble rapport is freakin fantastic.

Gems of Dialogue

For your pleasure, I offer up the following gem of dialogue from Samurai Jack: the meanest, prettiest, sword-swingin-est cartoon I've ever fed my hungry little eyes.

Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, tears open a portal in time and sends our man Jack into the future. "Where my evil is law!" -Aku

Jack, naturally, is immediately clobbered by a flying car. This is the future, right? He falls and is clobbered by more flying cars until one police-enforcement lookin' vehicle begins to fire at Jack. In a heart-pounding action sequence, the samurai regains his footing, leaps onto the police vehicle, and severs its front end, proceeding to jump down flying cars to the ground as if they were hop-scotch squares. In the junk-alleys of the terrestrial level of the future, a gigantic, spike-wheeled trash compacter threatens to overtake Jack. Nimbly, he climbs its wheels and arrives safely by the streetside. Three curious creatures await him--one in red tones, a squat blue one with a round head, and a gangly green guy with, for lack of better explanation, a bubbling lava lamp for a head.

Beat, as they stare at him. Begin today's Gem of Dialogue:

[wild cheering and gesticulation, "That was bad, man!"]

Red: Yo, Jack! That was some AWEsome shown!

Blue: I ain't never feel the punk moves like that, Jack.

Green: Jack was all ricocheticky jumpadelic!

Red: A hiz-eck yeah, prodigiously acrobotastic.

Blue: Word, word, but then like, when Jack pulled that swizz-ord and was all like, SWING, SWACK, SWOOP, man, right through the car! Swick-attack-whack and spoil out the back, Jaaaaaaack!

Green: Aw yeah, yeah, and it was all shviiiiiiiiiing, PLOOM! Man, ain't that flunky crunker?

Red: Yo then my man just like lands all coolish style, like, "No sweatin' Joe!"

Green: B-b-b-but then that gunna-runna ramalama-lama, and that trashin' all munchin' and crunchin' and snack mixin'

Blue: Under that fat superfragicalilistic tistic tire, yo.

Red: Yeah but Jack's just like, "Word! Let me get some tire," grab, ZOOOP, "I'm out, Joe."

[Talking over each other]

Jack: Thank you. Where am I?

And that just about sums it up, folks. More Jack to come in the future. In the meantime, check out these words of wisdom from Beloved Yoga Teacher:

"The sides of the body aren't identical twins. They're much more like a brother and sister."

Truism, yo.